Wanting to be real indicates having a measure of self-love, some kind of love of what we are. So when we want to move toward being real, we are already expressing a lovingness and an appreciation that is essential to spiritual work. If that lovingness is not there, our practice is done for the wrong reason; it is part of the noise. What I’m pointing to is not a selfish kind of self-love; it is not a kind of possessiveness or self-centeredness. This heart attitude toward realness—this feeling that our consciousness, our soul, our awareness, has about being real—is very subtle and difficult to explain. To recognize this appreciation for the real in ourselves indicates that we have already developed a certain level of maturity and a specific guidance for our practice.

A person who really loves himself likes doing what he has to do. It doesn't matter what it is. The liking and the enjoyment have nothing to do with the external activity. It has to do with accepting yourself. So it doesn't matter what you do... Your external activity should not make any difference at all to your happiness. If it does make a difference, you're obviously identified with something that is not you. When you see that it doesn't really make a difference, you won't always be anxious to get things over with, or anxious about what is going to happen. The attention and anxiety will not be there, because there is no reason for it.

To really know love, you must first of all know yourself. By yourself, I don't mean the "I"; I mean you must know your being, who you are separate from your label, from your name, from the feelings you have acquired throughout the years along with your self-image, and the other ideas you have about yourself. To know yourself is to know who you are beyond those feelings and ideas. Who you really are has nothing to do with what happened to you in the past, and who you are exists regardless of your feelings, thoughts and opinions about yourself and regardless of anyone else's opinion about you. You must first know this if you are to know love. When I talk about "knowing yourself," I mean to know your being, your Essence.