When we realize this truth of Reality, all the world begins to shimmer and glow with the light of knowledge. Everything appears not only as an indivisible unity but also luminous and resplendent with the transparent light of knowledge. We see the usual phenomenal forms, but they appear as forms of light, lucent and iridescent and full of color and meaning. The world is meaningful, but not reducible to any specific meaning. It is simply all meaning, all knowledge, true and direct knowledge. There is brilliance, radiance, clarity, lightness, fullness, and presence. The universe is a multidimensional manifold where all dimensions intersect the dimension of knowledge at all their points. Hence, knowledge pervades the whole manifold, making it into a magical self-luminous holographic world of exquisite meaningful deep knowledge. The colors, textures, and flavors of physical objects express the essential qualities themselves, this way the phenomenal world expresses the perfections of Being. The darkness of the night expresses the depth, stillness, and mystery of the black peace essence; the redness of blood and fire reflects the vitality and vigorous energy of the red strength essence; the yellow of the sun and of flowers embodies the lightness and delight of the yellow joy essence, and so on. In such experience the two levels of differentiated forms appear as a unified gestalt, unified by the boundless presence of basic knowledge. 

In the Diamond Approach, our orientation is not toward having spiritual experiences. In fact, we are not interested in having any particular type of experience at all. We are interested in actualizing our potential. This means realizing who we are, discovering what the essence of our Being is, continuing to recognize this, continuing being what we are—our spiritual presence, our true nature—and learning how to live as that. It is a profound, meaningful way of living. So it is not a matter of having a succession of experiences while continuing to be the same person, simply adding on more and more interesting spiritual experiences. No: At some point you learn who you are, what you truly are; and the one who lives your life becomes a different person. There could be other possibilities; you might not even feel like a human being at times, but regardless of the particular form that your being might take at one time or another, you want to be you, as fully and completely as possible. For a long time, you don’t know who that one is. You say, “Me who?” At a certain point, you realize that what you are is not different from recognizing the nature of your awareness, the nature of your consciousness. It is what you are. It is the essence of your Being. And the essence or nature of what we are can express itself in what we call spiritual qualities, or spiritual forms, or different kinds of subtle energies.  

The loss of identity and center may also arise as the absence of orientation. The student feels disoriented; she does not know where she is, or what direction to take. This shows how identity gives the self the sense of orientation and meaningful direction of interest, intention and action. How can she know what to be interested in, what direction to take in her life, what to do, if she is not sure who she is? This absence of center and identity may also manifest as the absence of a meaningful purpose in her life. If she does not know what and who she is, then how can she find a real purpose to her life? This sense of purposelessness is a well-known feature of narcissistic disturbance, but it also arises in the process of self-realization as one recognizes the emptiness of one’s familiar sense of self. From the perspective of self-realization, the life of the self in the dimension of conventional experience lacks a real purpose. 

That doesn’t mean that we can have truth only if we see it completely. At every level of truth, comprehension and meaningfulness exists. With every glimpse of even partial truth, what we are seeing is being touched by the primordial reality, by the primordial harmony, and by the primordial truth itself. This provides us with a sense of a path or an unfoldment, a flow of experience that makes being where we are, and inquiring into that, a meaningful practice. So what does that tell us about how to approach our work? As we have seen, our practice of learning to be where we are is a matter of inquiring to find out what is happening, what the truth of a situation is. To ask, “Where am I?” means, “What is the truth of my experience?” And to ask, “What is the truth of my experience?” means, “I want to understand it in a way that is meaningful to my heart, that nourishes my heart and my soul; I don’t just want an explanation.” An explanation that is not felt can be exact without being meaningful, in which case, it doesn’t nourish us. As we work with our experience—inquiring and delving into it, being present with it—the presence and the awareness that pervades our experience reveals itself to be that underlying truth, or True Nature, that we have been seeking. And as our understanding unfolds, the harmony of the various elements of our experience is a felt harmony of connectedness. That experience is closer to the inherent, original, primordial harmony that reveals—and actually is—the oneness of all things. 

When we begin to experience consciousness directly, a whole new world opens up. Rather than the normal sense that we are seeing the world as an external object, we begin to perceive the universe from within. The inner journey becomes a journey of discovery that opens us to magnificent, exhilarating inner experiences and perceptions, but also brings our knowledge of the world and of existence into a sharp, clear focus. Inner explorers travel to a world much more exciting and thrilling, much more beautiful and meaningful, much more satisfying and fulfilling, much more amazing and magnificent than any outer explorer will ever behold. Many religious perspectives tend to turn the inner journey into a heavy sanctity, a dull morality, a perverse holiness. Given this tendency, it is no wonder that so many people are no longer interested in religion. But when we explore the soul, rather than leaving it in a static relationship with an external divinity, we penetrate to the ground of the self, to the conscious field of the soul, and begin to know consciousness directly. Then the inner reality becomes a delight and a wonder, and we approach more and more closely a lived understanding of the relationship of our soul to what has been thought of as the divine; thus we approach an appreciation of the source of all discovery and creativity.  

The more the Personal Essence is realized and developed, the more one experiences one’s life as integrated with who one is. One’s life becomes the natural expression and extension of one’s personal realization. One literally fills one’s life with one’s integrated qualities and capacities. Defensive, superficial and unnecessary activities, interests and engagements drop away. One’s interests and activities become a direct reflection of one’s essential attainment. Life becomes rich, profound, significant and fulfilling. This does not happen through planning or premeditation. The mind does not and cannot know what needs to happen. The Personal Essence exerts the influence of all its qualities and dimensions on the consciousness of the individual. One becomes naturally and spontaneously interested and involved in the activities, interests and situations that are in harmony with one’s realization. This realization determines one’s life, and one’s life leads to a greater development of the realization. One begins to feel that everything that happens in one’s life is meaningful and necessary. It’s as if nothing wrong can happen, or that whatever is perceived to be wrong turns out to be ultimately in the service of one’s development. The inner realization and development becomes expressed in life, becomes the source of one’s life, the substance of this life. Everything in one’s life becomes a reflection of this realization, an expression and an intimate extension of it. In this way, realization becomes an actualization. It is not only an inner experience, but an actualized life. Life becomes a continuity of Being, instead of a string of events. 

This points to the reason why our own inquiry encounters many personal resistances: It is when we want to explore ourselves in an intimate and meaningful way that we are confronted with the whole range of personal resistances—fear, pain, grief, resentment, hatred, hopelessness, deficiency, as well as long-held beliefs, attitudes, and positions—that stand in the way of contacting and realizing who we truly are. These are the barriers that we believe are integral to who we are, and therefore they keep us stuck in familiar and limited experiences of self. But they are integral only to our personality, our historical self. To be truly personal is to be open and available to contacting our immediate experience as it is now and not according to past beliefs. To work through any one of these resistances affects us more personally than reading a thousand books on genetic engineering or fishing, because it will affect our ability to contact our life. 

Integrating the wisdom of nonconceptual Reality leads one to include it more and more in one’s everyday functioning. This development is supported by a pearly form of the crystal dimension, leading the student increasingly to recognize the conceptual nature of the dichotomy between being and doing, and to see how in the nonconceptual there is simply no such thing as being and no such thing as doing, no such thing as stillness and no such thing as movement. All these are abstractions from the nonconceptual patterns of perception. When the discriminating mind is not in the foreground, the student may suddenly attain his satori, and his nonconceptual eye is completely opened. He may notice at some point that he is walking, but he finds no difference between that or standing. It feels the same to him; he could be scratching his back, but he feels no meaningful distinction between his hand, his back, the movement of his hand, the itching sensation, and the transparent clear presence. In fact, the question of whether there is a distinction or not does not occur to him until he contemplates his perception. One perceives that the boundless presence is what does everything; more exactly, the boundless presence is everything, including the movements and actions. More precisely, there is no such thing as movement and action; there is only Reality, fresh and virginal, beyond any description. To integrate this realization, and especially to establish it as a permanent station, is very difficult and rare, as many of the great masters of antiquity have observed.

So we see that our needs for meaning and significance pervade nearly all our endeavors. You feel that you can’t live your life if it’s not meaningful. How can I live my life, if I don’t have meaning in my life, something to give me a good sense of self and identity? That’s why some people who are very successful, famous, or rich kill themselves when it slips away, as if the money, or beauty, or fame had been the life. It’s gone, so what’s the point in living? Some people kill themselves or die soon after a spouse dies, as if the other had been invested with all the meaning of living. When the central thing that gives one the impetus to live goes, whether it’s a relationship, a skill, or an ideal, there is a big emptiness left. Many people are surprised by how much they were invested, and beforehand would have denied that the person or accomplishment was what gave their lives meaning. But at the moment of loss, it becomes obvious. Even when people retire from a job they would have said had no meaning except for the paycheck, they often feel devastated at the loss of the activity or the role. What is actually lost is the sense of identity. The filler is taken away, so they are faced with the need to escape a sense of meaningless emptiness.  

The Point is a point of presence, and when it is in consciousness, it focuses our attention. The moment the Point manifests, our attention is spontaneously focused in a very powerful way. The Point is a point of singular presence and brilliance, so its presence in our experience naturally focuses our soul. It does this by providing the capacity to focus on all the levels of the soul’s functioning—perception, thinking, feeling, and action. Later in this chapter, we’ll discuss a couple of ways that this focusing happens in inquiry. As we inquire, we hold the entire experience and yet we are also able to focus on particulars. This happens by seeing all the relevant data within our experience. That might mean our experience at the moment, or during an entire week, month, or year. At some point, we recognize that there is a particular thread connecting all our experience. The thread is a sequence of points, a series of specific significances. At a certain point, one thing is going on; two minutes after that, something else is going on, and so on. If we see the relationship of these points, we find a meaningful thread. And this thread is continuous, for the points of meaning are not isolated or disconnected. Meaning is a continuing process.  

Deficient emptiness: One of the most characteristic manifestations of narcissism is the painful state of emptiness, in which one feels a deficient inner nothingness—a vacuity, as if one has nothing inside, no substance. This poverty of inner life, experienced as an actual phenomenological nothingness, is usually accompanied by feelings of unreality, meaninglessness, pointlessness, and insignificance. He feels his life has no meaning or sense, his existence has no significance, and his action no point or real aim. These feelings reflect his alienation from essential presence, which is, in the deepest sense possible, the true significance and meaning of his existence, for the presence is his true existence. There might also emerge other painful affects, accompanying the emptiness or separately, such as feeling lost, aimless, purposeless, disoriented, not knowing what to do, and the inability to initiate any meaningful action. These affects are specific manifestations of the loss or absence of the feeling of identity, which may be experienced directly as a sense of no self, as a feeling of not being able to feel one’s familiar identity. The lack of identity may also manifest as the specific feeling of having no center and no orientation, because identity functions as the center of the self.  

Looking at the three stages of development as we have described them in this book can help us better understand this continuity of being where we are. When we see what the continuity of being ourselves means at each stage, what we discover is that it is also the continuity of meaning, not just of experience. In the first stage, to be where we are means recognizing where we are and understanding where we are. We not only have the awareness and feeling of what is happening, but we also know what it’s about and why it is happening. We know in a way that is meaningful—in other words, in a way that makes sense of our experience. And if we’re really practicing, if we’re continuing to inquire, to be aware, to be present, then our experience becomes a continuity of meaning, not just a series of events and states strung together. As our experience flows and transforms, it’s a meaningful flow, a meaningful transformation. For example, maybe you become aware of a particular feeling, and you recognize, “Oh, I’m feeling this sadness because of that event . . . and now this is happening . . . and now I see how it relates to what happened before, and why I felt that then and am feeling this other feeling now.” The continuum of experience makes sense to you. It’s meaningful. When we’re not practicing, when we’re not aware of where we are, our experience does not have that kind of meaning. It seems disconnected: “I did this and I did that, and this happened and I felt that.” We don’t know how all of these events relate, because we are not really there. We are not being where we are, so the continuity of meaning is not present. 

Einstein believed that the notion of quantum jumps is just an approximation of what happens. We assume quantum changes because we’re not paying close enough attention, and our theories are not precise enough, to see the continuity of change. Reality is actually a seamless, self-existing field. We say that it is light, but this light is not composed of particles. It’s a fluid that is not particularized; it is constantly flowing and unfolding. That is how reality is all the time. Why don’t we recognize our experience in that way? Because we’re not being real, we’re not being ourselves. We are not where we are. We’re not present where we are. The more we are present where we are, the greater the sense of flow, the sense that there is a meaning to our experience, that a continuum, an unfolding, is at play. So our life becomes meaningful because not only are we in touch with the meaning of our life, we are being the meaning of our life. We are at the place where this meaning is unfolding. Sometimes there might be gaps in your understanding of your experience that you haven’t even noticed. When you recognize one, that in itself begins the process of understanding. If we don’t recognize that there is a gap, we would believe in a continuity that isn’t real. Even to identify a gap before you understand what it is about is immensely helpful. Through personal inquiry, perhaps the gap will be filled in, and perhaps not. So the meaning might include times of not knowing, times of emptiness or blankness. And as we inquire into that emptiness or blankness, at some point it becomes meaningful and helps us understand the whole picture. We discover that our personal thread wasn’t cut—it just was invisible for a while. 

The manifest world unfolded by the creative dynamism of Being possesses certain characteristics that humanity has seen as harmonious and orderly. Modern science relies on this order for its research in discovering, understanding, and applying natural laws; spiritual traditions rely on an inner order that makes sense of inner development. In other words, it is important to realize that appearance is not chaotic or haphazard. It is the universe that we perceive and within which we live, the universe that our science has recognized to faithfully follow natural laws. Manifestation appears orderly and meaningful, changing and transforming in orderly and meaningful ways. It unfolds within an order that we recognize as both meaningful and harmonious. The dynamism is constantly unfolding the universe in a particular orderly pattern. The unfoldment is a patterned unfoldment, and its pattern is the universe we perceive. This implies that dynamic presence has its own ordering and organizing principle that manifests the world always in what we recognize as the natural order of things. We may think of the functioning of this dimension of true nature as it unfolds the universe in what we consider an orderly fashion, as a fashioning and ordering of the universe. In fact, some of the ancient traditions thought that the creative ground orders, runs, and steers the flow of the universe, besides bringing it into existence. This was exactly how the ancient Greeks understood things to be, and called the ordering principle “logos,” or reason. 

All of the insights we have just elucidated explain the statement that, “Holy Work is the experience of the cosmos as a constant unfoldment of existence.” What, then, is Holy Plan? Holy Plan is the perception that this unfoldment is not chaotic, accidental, or haphazard. It occurs according to its own laws; there is a meaningful pattern to its unfoldment. This pattern of unfoldment is the Holy Plan, although the word plan here is not used in the usual sense. It is not as though there were a preordained plan, and the universe unfolds according to it; here, the word plan means simply the recognition that there is a pattern to the unfoldment. The pattern is harmonious and inherently meaningful. This pattern, with its meaningfulness and harmony, is always explained by the dominant science of each era. Hence, it has been explained as the work of spirits, as a function of gravity, and as a consequence of random events. But when you see manifestation through the perspective of the Holy Work—that it is Beingness in constant flow—you see it as harmony, as beauty, as an ordered unfoldment. This is one way we recognize the presence of laws in the universe. Laws are simply ways we describe certain patterns that the universe manifests. 

Having an inner contact with the totality of our experience means that we cannot avoid being in contact with the world, with other people, and with our life in its totality. There needs to be this overall in-touch-ness, this overall contact for inquiry to be full and meaningful. So, for example, if we’re not aware of our feelings about life, what are we going to investigate? In other words, if we investigate only our thoughts or our actions, we will create a distance in the investigation. Even though this is still inquiry, it’s not as powerful, not as effective as when we include our emotions and reactions. The inquiry is powerful only when there is enough input and enough information to allow the investigation to be personal. And this comes only from a direct, full contact with experience. This full contact with experience indicates a certain attitude—an attitude of being personally interested, of loving the process because it touches us personally. It happens when we are so interested, so excited, so turned on, that we jump into it without holding back at all. If, on the other hand, we want to explore merely to get rid of a problem or accomplish a particular goal, then we are not interested in immersing all our nerve ends in the experience; we’re interested just enough to get rid of or solve the problem. 

We’re usually not aware of the continuity of our experience. We know that there is continuity because our ongoing experience has no gaps in it. But we’re not usually aware of the continuity of the forms that experience takes—how one form transforms to another or makes space for another in a meaningful way. In other words, we are not present at each moment to directly experience the continuity. To truly be where we are combines having the awareness of where we are, being the presence of where we are, and understanding the truth of where we are. When we bring those three elements together, being where we are becomes a practice that is necessary to become aware of the flow of being. You see, we are always someplace—one way or another, we are where we are—but we’re usually not aware of what that place is. We don’t get it; we don’t see it. Our attention, our awareness is scattered and distracted, involved with all kinds of peripheral, secondary manifestations. However, once we can focus and recognize our primary manifestation, we locate ourselves. And, if we pay attention, we find that the primary manifestation of where we are continuously changes—it is a continuity, a flow. It is not static.  

In general, the presence of the Personal Essence brings about a radical expansion and individuation of autonomous functioning, indicating the greater development and integration of the apparatuses of autonomy. Its realization brings about an increasingly radical movement towards autonomy and individuation, leading to greater actualization of one’s potential. One becomes more creative, more productive, more original and more fulfilled in personal involvements. Accomplishments and developments manifest externally in one’s work and in personal relationships. One begins to become clear about one’s place in the scheme of things, more definite about roles and functions. The meaning and purpose of one’s life become clear, definite and actualized. One’s potentials develop and expand in a meaningful way, in accordance with one’s real aims. A sense of confidence in one’s capacities develops speedily, along with a certainty about who or what one is. One increasingly values one’s real presence, and the capacities and manifestations of this presence. The confidence, certainty, and value are not mental or emotional, but are more in the nature of a recognition of facts. We will discuss some of these developments in more detail when we discuss the development of the Personal Essence; now we will focus on its relationship to some specific capacities of autonomy: integration, synthesis, object relating, regulation and intention. This will shed more light on the Personal Essence as the true individuation, on how the capacities are perceived from the perspective of Being, on what it means that they are integrated into it, and on many more important questions. 

An important part of the Work is to understand the view of objective reality. This understanding comes through discussions about it and through your own investigation, your own exploration and experience. This view is, in some sense, not one experience, but what unifies all experiences. It is the over-arching picture that makes all experiences intelligible and meaningful. The more we understand the view of objective reality, the more we know where we are in our journey. The more we understand the view, the more we know how distorted or how objective our experience is. Thus, understanding the view is a valuable guidance and an important orientation. In time, as our realization process progresses and deepens, our experience corresponds more with the view. When experience is exactly harmonious with the view, this is what is called total realization or enlightenment. The view is an elucidation of how things are, what our nature and the nature of everything is, rather than someone’s theory or perspective about it. Perspectives about reality vary because they are informed by the particular path one takes to arrive at that perspective, but objective reality is objective reality. It is not like anyone’s ideas about it. Different people may view it from different angles, but this does not mean that they are seeing a different reality. It is as it is; this is what makes it objective reality. We are trying to understand this view by working with the Holy Ideas, which, as I have said, is not the only way of realizing the view of objective reality.  

We saw in Chapter 10 that the sense of identity gives the self a sense of center, a center of awareness and action. We do observe that one feeling associated with the emptiness is that one has lost one’s center, or does not have a center. This loss of center makes her feel that she does not know how to act, or more specifically, she feels: “I don’t know what to do.” The identity which has given her a center of initiative and the motivation for action seems to be missing. Kohut sees these motivations as ideals and ambitions, but rather than lacking motivation, it is more that the student needs to know who she is in order to take meaningful action. To know what she wants to do, she needs to know herself. This is a central factor in the sense of paralysis from which many extremely narcissistic individuals suffer. These individuals do not accomplish much in their lives; often they cannot find a job or decide on a career because they do not know what it is important for them to do. They do not know what is significant and meaningful for them because they are not in touch with who they are. 

Seeing the role of true nature in illuminating the dire situation we find ourselves in impacts our heart and our soul, and it transforms our relationship to true nature and everything that expresses it. The more we recognize and encounter true nature, the more the heart is touched. True nature touches the heart in a way that nothing else does. When we realize how exquisite true nature is, we become stunned. How can it be? How can there be such a thing? How can there be such an energy, such a power, that is compassionate and strong at the same time, that is precise and loving at the same time, that is the nature of everything and creating everything at the same time? We experience an immense sense of awe and wonder. We can’t help but love true nature for what it is because of its magnificence, its beauty, its liberating power, its loving generosity, its loving light. It is like a luminosity whose action is pure love and pure goodness. The more it touches us, the more we feel real and satisfied, and the more meaningful our life becomes. Our sense of awe is not only full of wonder, appreciation, and love but is also imbued with a deep respect for the truth and power of true nature. This respect can develop naturally into a profound reverence for true nature; in this way it becomes a factor useful for essential activation. This reverence—a mix of love, joy, delight, respect, and awe—is both a feature and an expression of that activation. It is a natural response to the fullness of our encounters with true nature and to the completeness of our realizations of true nature. We can’t help it; it simply happens. 

In moments of insight, what you’re seeing is the truth. What allows you to know something is true is that truth is present. This sounds like a tautology—knowing the truth because truth is present. However, it is not exactly that. When truth is present, it is as if you are tasting something in your heart. There is a sense of satisfaction, a sense of warmth. That is the golden thread. That’s the truth that makes a statement true and meaningful. That’s what makes you know, “When I’m feeling this, I know I’m feeling this. I know I’m hurt because my mother abandoned me.” It’s not that somebody has logically proved it to you, but truth is there. There is a part of you that is truth. Looking at the facts will set free the part of you that is truth. That part of us is not the fact, has nothing to do with facts. It is what makes the fact true, and it is there regardless of what the facts are. The facts can change; they are always changing.  

When you understand what it’s all about, what this life is about, why we are here—when you understand who you are and why you’re here—you understand the meaning, in a sense, of everything. Everything is then meaningful, everything has an innate, deep sense to it that is absolute and central. So it’s not a life of strife, but rather of unfoldment, and unfoldment is inherently fulfilling. Understanding is not only a process that functions to take you from one place to another, but also is in itself the actual living of the unfoldment. And through the process you come to understand the place of suffering, of difficulty, and of personality in the whole scheme. You live what is called the conscious life: you regain your being just as it was when you were an infant, but it’s conscious now. Without mind, there is no variety, discrimination or differentiation; we see no form and hence, no beauty. Mind is the creator of form, the creator of beauty, and understanding is that process of creation, of unfoldment. So, the fulfillment of our life is to see life objectively, to see what’s really there. To know, for example, that life is the expression and fulfillment and celebration of beauty. This is what we are here for. We’re not here for anything else.  

Thus, in this condition of nondual realization, one perceives a transparency and a luminosity of oneness and at the same time a seamless harmony in the manifestations of that oneness. Whatever the situation, what we would normally distinguish as bad or good is experienced as a seamless and graceful harmony that is simple but beautiful, aesthetically inspiring and uplifting. What’s more, the harmony between everything is also meaningful; it is part of the meaning. So, the meaning is the presence itself; it is the totality of reality in its harmony. We begin the inner work of exploring our experience from a point that is far from that recognition of harmony. Before we take on the work of inquiry, life seems empty and meaningless, and we feel dissatisfied and discontented. We look for significance, for meaning, for an inherent value to our life that we don’t recognize yet. As we come to understand what is happening in our experience, we see some truth and some meaning, but it is not yet the final meaning. It does, however, have a flavor of truth in that the understanding itself brings a harmony that reflects the inherent harmony of the universe and of truth itself. Even in the initial stages of our work, as we get insight into what is happening in our experience, the truth that we see is meaningful in some way. At this first stage, that meaningfulness reveals a harmony, an interconnection between the various elements in our experience that we didn’t see before. So meaning, which is based on making connections, is felt as a growing harmony based on the truth in our experience. And that truth reflects the True Nature that is the essence of the harmony, that makes harmony possible.