Another way we hold on to the central object relation is to reenact it by identifying with either side of it. On one side of it, you're the little kid, relaxed and happy, with daddy and mommy around, your teacher or God taking care of you, essence pouring into you, and you're feeling content. The loss of that object relation will be like the loss of the breast. On the other side, you could be the giving, nourishing breast, and see other people as needing to be taken care of and nourished and supported. Understanding this perspective means also the loss of that position. To be a real human being, mature and down to business, means that you can't only be that nourishing, giving breast, doing everything for the other person. You could lose the central object relation from either end. In both cases, the loss of the object relation means the loss of the comfort, the connection, the security, the support, the nourishment, the fulfillment, and the love that is the chief affect of the central object relation.

Human beings are born into the realm of Being, and from the beginning manifest the true differentiated aspects of Being. This Being is never totally lost, and actually manifests in the child in predictable and supportable ways. It is true that awareness of this Being is lost in the process of the structuring of and identification with ego, but by understanding in detail this structuring, and the patterns of identification, we can actually remember in detail the process of our “forgetting.” We can remember, understand and undo this forgetting, retrieving what has been suppressed and opening the way for growing into true maturity and realization. Thus it is possible to experience egoless beingness, to be, as a substantial presence that is not a mental construct, and still live a human, personal life, in which love, work, knowledge, creativity and accomplishment make sense, a human sense. This true existence, this presence, this being beyond time that makes sense of human and personal life, is the Personal Essence. It is the reality of which ego is only a reflection. It is the truly integrated and developed human being. This is the beautiful presence that the traditional literature of work schools calls the “pearl beyond price.”

When we are more complete as human beings and have matured into our depth, we become servants of that depth by living a life that is full and human, without ever leaving this transcendent depth. A relationship serves this depth in a similar way. In relationship we are more complete in the sense that we have recognized, realized, and integrated who we are. In maturing into our depth, we become transparent to the pure qualities of Being, and the aspects and deeper dimensions of experience come through in our relational expression.

True understanding that arises on its own is simply your own essence touching your mind, or being in contact with the situation. The actual contact of Being with any situation, or with any part of your mind, is understanding. Insight or understanding are nothing but your being eating your experience, metabolizing it, including your inner experience. This is the process of transformation itself. Being comes into contact with a part of your personality, or with an experience, and in that contact between Being and that part of the personality or the experience, the experience or part of personality is absorbed into Being. That absorption is not just a mental thing, it is a real experience of transformation, a metamorphosis. And this metamorphosis, which is itself understanding, never leads to weakness, deficiency, or impoverishment. It always leads to greater capacity, greater strength, and greater maturity. What is maturity, if not the complete absorption and metabolization of your experience?

In embodiment one is both Being and a person, a human being. One is the fullness and richness of Being, manifest as a unique person, living a human life in the world. One is both Being and the expression of the love of Being. Being is transcendent, and ultimately nondifferentiated. It is possible to see that the person is a result of Being differentiating into the various aspects, which then become integrated again in a process of embodiment, forming a new synthesis, the Personal Essence. When this process is complete then the human being has attained maturity. This maturity includes the capacity for transcendence; for the Personal Essence is in actuality a cell in the oneness of Being. In other words, transcendence and oneness, the concerns of the man of spirit, are part of the maturity of the Personal Essence, which is the truth behind the hopes of the man of the world.

Much of what keeps us from being able to go to a new level of maturity is this part of us that we feel as a child. This part of us holds many of the painful experiences and difficulties we have had, but also things that we hold precious. Some aspects of our essence are held captive in the form of a child in our psyche. We often feel that letting go of that innocent, childlike part means that we will lose our heart qualities, but as we understand and embrace that little one, our loving acceptance melts the child’s boundaries, and those qualities become part of who we are. Our heart becomes free and mature. It doesn’t have to remain in the image of that little child. Our childhood was often the last time we felt in touch with that kind of presence.

To meet a human being who is really a mature human being is a very rare thing. It is not the same thing as meeting an enlightened human being. It is a different story. From the perspective of a mature human being, enlightenment is one of the necessary ingredients needed but it is not enough, not sufficient. It allows possibilities that the person didn’t see before. The more a human being is mature and complete, the more he is neither selfish nor selfless. A spiritual person is selfless, always giving for the other. A worldly human being is always selfish, always taking. For the true human being, within the same action there is giving and taking. Something for oneself and something for the other without any contradiction whatsoever.

So, one side of it is that when you try to actualize the perspective of being a mature, full, responsible human being in the world, the primary early structures of our individual consciousness, the soul child or the libidinal soul responds by saying, "What about me? I want to have fun and play." The soul child considers the responsibility, efficiency, and realness of the mature adult antithetical to having fun, enjoying things, and just hanging out. The other side of feeling resistant or dissatisfied with the perspective of practical functioning is that you might look at the school or the teacher as lacking something, as not providing an appropriate model. They are not the way you want them to be. You might feel disappointment, "I'm not getting it anymore. I'm not getting what I need anymore. I want something, but the teacher is telling me that I have to grow up."

Security needs such as the need for money, power, prestige, acceptance, and approval are actually the needs of a child. These needs express the part of the human being that remains undeveloped and unrefined. Even an idea that most people would take as obvious—the idea that a human being should be happy, and have pleasure instead of pain and suffering—is not a principle that should govern a mature human being. That principle governs all of the animal kingdom, but the mature human being can rise above it and live with higher, more refined, and more satisfying values. So, as I have said, the first thing we need to do is to suspend our belief that we know what a human being is and what a human being’s life is all about. We have to admit to ourselves that we don’t know, or see that if we do know something about what it is to be human, what we know is very little. We need to acknowledge that there is a lot more to know about what it means to be a human being. Maybe you have not questioned yourself from this perspective. Maybe you have taken the ordinary things that happen in your life to be what a being human being is all about. Maybe you have assumed the correctness of the principles that govern your life and the lives of everyone else you know. The majority of humanity lives at an infantile stage. It is necessary for us to pass through that stage, but we do not have to stop there. However, it is not part of generally accepted societal wisdom to understand what a true human being is, or what the function of a human being is. Because society at large does not have this knowledge and functions at an undeveloped level, we are given no guidance about how to grow up. Society is necessary for the basic security and social needs of human beings, but the human being needs more than that. The fulfillment of the true human potential requires meeting much deeper, finer needs.