When it is part of a true relationship, inquiry brings out our experience of vulnerability and openness, which tends to bring our true nature, the depth of who we are, into the interaction. At the depth of who we are, there are beautiful qualities: kindness, sweetness, appreciation, gratitude, clarity, brightness, depth, peacefulness, energy, dynamism, power, and so on. Imagine a dynamic in which both of you have a degree of empathy and are open to feel and be affected by each other, and where the relational field includes enjoyment of one another. You are enjoying the other person, you are just enjoying who he is. And if he is sensitive to you, he begins to feel your joy and begins to laugh with you, to become happy with you. That makes you enjoy him even more . . . and the interaction keeps deepening and expanding. 

When we relate to people only through our ideas about what we want and who we believe they are, it renders the relationship stagnant. Once you get to know somebody, that is just who they are. Little blips of newness may pop up here and there, but often we assume we know someone and then rigidify in our mind who we think they are. This reification of another not only limits our ability to continue knowing someone, but limits the relationship as well. There is a universe that neither of you can know yet, because it lies in the intermingling of your consciousnesses as the conduit for new awakenings. For the relational field to evolve, it is necessary to consider the person we are with in a way that allows the energetic field of consciousness to open up and be illuminated with the light of spirit. When this occurs in a conscious way, relationship is infused with the divine and is very much on earth at the same time. The more we open up, both to ourselves and to the other, and the more the field opens us up to the new and the now, the more we realize that there is much that is yet to be revealed. When I see students opening to a new discovery, I frequently hear them say, “Oh my God, I had no idea . . .” and I can see the recognition dawning . . . so much more is there than one could ever imagine. The mystery feels palpable, and the process of discovery is further invigorated.  

What is possible for one’s individual consciousness is also possible for the blended consciousness of two individuals—but with an amplified and intensified potentiality. Two as one can bring more variation of depth and breadth to the process of realization than is possible on one’s own. You are able to see the Beloved in your partner and see your partner in yourself, like a hall of mirrors into the infinity of the infinite. You become a field of one, sensitive presence with the appearance of two, peering into the endless openness within one another. As the magnetism of love influences our consciousness, drawing us into union, we become the divine incorporated into human form, naked to our nature and to our partner at the same time. The relational field can become the one appearing as two, and two creating a living vortex opening the one to new potential. This is at once the freedom of the openness of our nature expressed through the particularity of the relational field—erotic and divine, worldly and angelic. We are sexy angels! Divine eros fulfills the spiritual quest as it fulfills human life, through the completion of the erotic life that can express itself in tantric relationships. When appropriate, such a relationship can be sexual, adding physical interpenetration, thus completing the cycle of relating. But as we have said, divine eros can animate (and enliven) any authentic human relationship. You can take the knowledge of presence, the understanding of the relational field, and the skill of inquiry with you into your life. You can take all these jewels of wisdom with you wherever you go. 

Realization is a very alone kind of process, where inner aloneness is necessary to realize our true being. Realization adds to the field in terms of knowing Being as your nature and not depending on the other for that knowing. A profound ground for a relationship is created when there are two who know themselves in this way. It also works in reverse: The two can discover their nature through the relationship. This is more rare but definitely possible, if we are truly open to learning, because in the relational field, interaction brings out parts of us that don’t come out easily any other way. The relational field opens up the possibilities of our personal expression a thousandfold, allowing the arising and the understanding of our reactions and emotional patterns, the things we enjoy and delight in, the spiritual qualities of our nature, and so on. These potentials open the field further, and they continue to unfold indefinitely as we keep learning more through our interactions—not just with significant others, but in our daily interactions with many people 

Growing up and maturing through the experiences the world has offered us has been important for our development. The next level of development involves starting out as a child in the spiritual world and maturing into adulthood by becoming a complete human being who knows her true nature and is nourished through it. In other words, the adult of this world is the child of the spiritual world. The adult of the spiritual world has a foot in both worlds and feels them as one. And real relating can only happen between two mature adults. The more mature we are, the more the relational field can open to new potential, and the less the past dictates the content of experience. Our maturational process does not flourish if we disregard this world, push it away, or disown our parents. It is a matter of embracing everything and finding an opening to that other possibility, that next dimension of experience —the inner dimensions. Scientists say there are many physical dimensions that we don’t know about. Who knows—perhaps this is the only way they can interpret the evidence they are finding. What is true, and what many of you actually know, is that our inner dimensions are rich and full, and that they are many and varied. By “inner,” I don’t mean only inside our bodies, I mean the inner nature of everything. Opening to the inner dimensions of experience is the completion of our maturational process. 

The sensitive field of the human being, which is a wave of the ocean of consciousness, is conscious beyond our physical body. We are a medium of aware and vibrant sensitivity, which is impressionable and usually patterned by our previous experiences. When we awaken to our nature, our experience changes. The new ways we experience ourselves challenge the old forms we have taken ourselves to be; we change into new forms and into formless realms of our nature as well. Having a real relationship follows the same principle. It is an evolution of two waves of consciousness interacting and interweaving as one field of consciousness, shifting form through the interchange. This is the relational field as a living medium. What does it mean to have a real relationship? What does it mean to come together and not be defining your friend, partner, wife, by the experiences you had of them last week? What would it mean to actually see, with fresh eyes, who they are right now? This doesn’t mean that you forget what has happened, who they are, or what their name is. It begins by taking the chance to open into the new, in the same way we do when we enter into our own experience and open that up.

In addition to sensitivity and empathy, to openness and interest, there needs to be a measure of mutuality. A relationship does not open up if it is not mutual, if one person is interested while the other isn’t. Mutuality means that two people have a similar degree of interest in one another. If someone has less interest, then a dissonance or disharmony will result that will limit the relationship’s potential. One person wants more than the other is willing to give, and it becomes a push-pull situation. For the relational field to open up, mutual curiosity about the other is important—two people who can see one another as having an inner life that is distinct, unique, and interesting. Then two galaxies can come together and create one field that has an interactive synergy. The relational field develops by two fields of consciousness coming together through an interaction in which the two fields become part of one relational field. In fact, sometimes the two fields become simply the one field opening up. When we talk about the relational field, we are talking about a field of consciousness that is participatory on the part of two or more individuals. As we sit in this room together, we are in a field of consciousness; the group field is gaining more presence as we focus on this topic. The group presence is a support for our work. We each add something to it. And every group is different in quality due to the various mix of individuals that comprise it.