Thus, the ordinary sense of being a person is the experience of the self patterned by the structures that give it the sense of being an individual entity with a particular identity.

The Personal Essence, in contrast, is the sense of being a person independent of ego structures. It is the awareness of presence qualified by personhood. This sense of personhood is independent of one’s personal history; it is a direct recognition of a pure form of Being. This form of Being feels personal, and gives the self the capacity for immediate personal contact. It is an individuated experience of presence, arising from the unique development of the self into a person with essential qualities that provide the self with various capacities, skills, and talents. It is the integration of the development of the self on the essential dimension. The Personal Essence, then, is the essential counterpart to the sense of individuality that Mahler describes as being established through ego development. 

Disturbances in the development of the self can occur either in the sector of either entity or identity, or, of course, in both. When the development of identity is incomplete or distorted, the identity is brittle, feeble, shaky, superficial, incomplete, distorted, and/or unrealistic. It is thus vulnerable to injury, disintegration, and loss. When the self’s vital center, the center of her psychological balance and harmony, the place in her that allows her to know herself in an immediate way, is not firmly established or stable, she will experience her feeling of identity not only as uncertain and vague, but sometimes as threatened, or even as destroyed or lost. This weakness or loss of identity may manifest as the feeling that she has no self, or as a sense of deficient emptiness. These feelings indicate the absence of a sense of center. One feels like an entity without a center, a body without insides. 

Thus, according to ego psychology, a stable sense of identity or separate self is not something that the human being is born with, but is a result of a developmental process—what Mahler has called separation-individuation. At birth there is no awareness of an entity that is separate from its environment. A psychologically separate identity develops slowly as the infant interacts with its environment, especially with its mother. Thus the identity, with its mental apparatus (psychic structure), is a construction in the mind. The particular structure of the mind, the particular patterning of the content of the psyche (ultimately resulting in the sense of self), is something that develops, something that grows. It is then something not ready-made at physical birth. This is why Mahler speaks of “psychological birth.” 

We have now differentiated four categories of self-experience: self (or soul), entity, individuality, and identity. Soul is the totality of the human being, primordially a wholeness. In self-realization we recognize it as the experiencing consciousness. In the dimension of conventional experience the soul experiences itself as an entity. This sense of entity is the basis of the self experiencing itself as an individuality. The self, as an individuality, can recognize itself directly because it possesses an identity, which it experiences as the feeling of identity. These concepts are the basic and most general patterns of the experience of the self in the dimension of conventional experience. They are the primary experiences, or psychic structures, of the normal self. We have delineated them so precisely because such precision is necessary for completely understanding narcissism and self-realization. The self-representation influences the self by patterning its experience such that it knows itself as an entity with a separate individuality, which has an identity. This is the result of the development of the self as the self-representation is established in early childhood. Developmental psychology explores this process extensively, as we will discuss shortly. However, this exploration has been subject to a great deal of unclarity, confusion and disagreement regarding the above four concepts. Frequently they are used interchangeably; such usage is a result of this confusion, and also produces more confusion. For our purposes it is important to define these concepts clearly, first with respect to lived experience, and then in relation to the various developmental theories. It is difficult to become aware of the actual soul directly. We usually experience it through its manifestations; the self is always present in the manifestation because the manifestation is simply a particular form of it. So it is difficult to know the self itself because we are usually focused on the form of its manifestation. 

In our view, then, the individuated self is defined by boundaries and center, corresponding to the two structures conceptualized by Mahler, entity and identity, respectively. In terms of personal experience, we experience ourselves as having both boundaries and a center. The boundaries differentiate and separate us from the rest of the environment, and provide us with the sense of being an entity. The center is a locus or source of action, which we feel as a sense of enduring identity; it gives us the sense of inner balance and orientation. According to Mahler, self-boundaries develop in relation to the external body image, and self-identity develops in relation to the inner sensations of the body. We can imagine these structures of the self in spatial terms, where boundaries form a shape with external contours, and the identity is a center inside this form. The image that comes to mind is a sphere (or any solid) with boundaries and a center. The sense of entity corresponds to the external form of the sphere, its surface, and the sense of identity corresponds to the center of the sphere. A helpful image is that of a cell, or even an amoeba, which has a boundary (the membrane) that makes it an entity, and a center (the nucleus) that contains its inner program for functioning. 

To become directly conscious of the manifestation of self as an entity is unusual. The sense of being an entity is so basic that we naturally believe it to be intrinsic to what we are, and not an acquired perception. Indeed, although developmental psychology has demonstrated that this sense is a developmental achievement, it is assumed to be not a pattern that is formed, but a reality that is recognized in the course of development. The view is that the sense of being an entity is an intrinsic quality of the self, although to experience it and identify with it is a developmental achievement. In the deeper dimensions of spiritual awareness, however, the sense of being an entity is seen quite clearly to be not intrinsic to the self. One sees clearly that it is an acquired pattern. The sense of being an entity is the most general aspect of the self-representation. It can arise clearly in awareness and be questioned experientially only at deep levels of understanding the nature of the self; 

Right now, you might believe that you are in this room because your body is here, because the separate individual contained in your body is here. Getting through this deep belief of being a separate entity is one of the greatest hurdles of the work. Some people take years to see through it or never see all the way through it. The ego pride, the fear of the loss of the sense of individuality, is deeply entrenched, and it takes a lot to go through it. This belief in separate individuality creates enormous suffering for us. If you have emotional conflict, it is because you perceive yourself to be a person. If you were not a person, what would it mean to have emotional conflicts? What would it mean that someone is rejecting you? All the emotional conflicts that you’ve worked through are based on the belief that you are a separate individual; otherwise, what does it mean to be rejected, what does it mean to be scared, what does it mean to be successful, or to die? If you don’t believe in a separate individuality, all of those problems disappear, completely. But if you continue to believe that you are separate, these issues keep coming back because their cause remains intact. 

Enlightenment does not involve simply the perception that the person is only a concept. It means that all conceptualization is ended, all images and representations in the mind, whether conscious, preconscious or unconscious, are eliminated, or at least not identified with. When this profound stillness of the mind is achieved, it is asserted, true reality is perceived, not by an entity which is a separate individual. The experience is one of unqualified Being, wordless existence, infinite and eternal. The claim of these teachings is that while the individual has no true existence because it is an idea in the mind, Being is a true existence; it is what is actually there, whether we are aware of it or not. And it is this existence, this presence of Being, independent of any inner image, that is what we are. We are not using the term “being” in its everyday sense. Usually, “being” means mere existence, and that “existence” is, like everything else, experienced conceptually. The spiritual traditions, on the other hand, use this term to refer to the actual presence of true nature which can be directly experienced. We are using the term in this latter sense. As human beings we are presence, we are being, we are actuality; we are not simply mental constructs. 

Primary obstacle to the arising and integration of the boundlessness of true nature is the ego principle, the idea that the self is a separate and autonomous entity or person. The soul’s development leaves her deeply convinced that she is separate from other souls, and from Reality as a whole. She believes that she is an island that comes into contact with other separate islands. This sense of separateness is due to the ego structure of self-entity that provides the soul with the experience of herself as a bounded entity. (For a precise discussion of this, see The Point of Existence, chapter 9.) One of the primary achievements of ego development is the structuring of the soul according to the surface contours of the body. The soul perceives herself as a discrete entity because of the discreteness of her experience of her body and other objects. This discreteness has been shown by developmental psychology to be absent in the infant’s mind. 

The realization of the Personal Essence, which involves the personalization of essential aspects and dimensions, leads to the complete development and objective understanding of the essential person, as we saw in the last chapter. This realization makes it possible, even easy, to move to the nonpersonal or formless realms. These realms have been called “nonpersonal,” “cosmic” or “boundless” and we will sometimes use these terms, but generally we use the term “formless dimensions,” for these reasons:

1. In these realms there are no personal or individual boundaries, so there is no sense of entity or separate existence. This is why the dissolution of ego boundaries is the primary requirement for experiencing them.
2. The experience is beyond the body, and hence the dichotomy of inside-outside is transcended, and there is freedom from the restriction of consciousness to a center in the body. Thus these dimensions are beyond form; it is the body image that gives us our personal form.
3. The experience is also beyond the person, beyond personal life and transcending personal history. 

The structure of the self-entity is responsible not only for the self’s demarcation from others and from the external world, but also for functioning. We have observed a certain relationship between the structures of entity and identity, in relation to action. Just as identity is the center of initiative and the source of motivation for action, individual entity is the executor of action. More accurately, it is the total self which acts, but action requires two necessary elements: The first is the motivating center out of which arises a direction for action, and the second is the structure of functional capacities needed for carrying out the action. This model is analogous to the functioning of the body, in which it is the musculoskeletal system (corresponding to entity) which acts—such as in eating, but the motivation for the action originates in the inner sensations of the body (corresponding to identity), like hunger. It is also similar to the situation of the amoeba, in which the protoplasmic mass with its membrane is what acts, but the instructions and patterns for action originate from the nucleus. The acting self is a totality, but it has, so to speak, a legislative branch and an executive one: The legislative branch is basically the self-identity and the executive branch the self-entity. Both branches are needed for meaningful action, for the complete action of the integrated self. Disturbances of either branch interfere with action.  

Although it is true, as object relations theory states, that the sense of being a separate entity is a result of construction of bounded ego structures, the fact remains that the human being does exist in an objective sense before he has any sense of individual boundaries. Thus, ego boundaries are not necessary for bare existence. The adult ego, however, cannot even conceive of how one could exist without being an individual. The closest he can come to such conception is the possibility that one might not be consciously aware that he is a separate individual, but is still existing as a separate individual. For instance in times of complete absorption in some activity, or in sleep, one is not aware that he is an entity, but one naturally thinks that certainly he is. Most people, including psychologists, believe that an infant is a separate entity, but that he does not know it yet, only gradually coming to this realization. However this is not exact. The infant does not come to the realization that he is a separate individual. It is not a realization; it is a development, the creation of something that was not there to begin with. From the perspective of Being, as we have discussed, it is very clear that these ego boundaries are actually concepts, which involve emotional attachment to a certain image of the self. They are seen as ideas, empty of any fundamental or objective validity. In other words, the perception of Being is that there is no such thing as a separate individuality. 

Nothing exists without that nothingness. Anything that exists needs some sort of space in which to exist. So, not only is it the ground of all experience, it is the ground of everything. It is seen as the basic nature of reality, as the deepest nature of reality. When everything quiets down, ultimately there is nothing. It is not that someone is looking, and can’t find anything; in that process of looking, you start looking for yourself, and you don’t find it. And finally, there is nothing. This doesn’t mean that the physical body doesn’t exist. There is simply no entity there producing, perceiving, or organizing these impressions, beyond the impressions themselves. There are simply the impressions that come and go; they come from nowhere and go nowhere. And then all impressions can cease, revealing complete emptiness. This is taken to be the most basic nature of reality, the ground of all existence. We call it space here because this experience is more like space. It is common to experience space with content as well, in which case space is not experienced completely. But if you allow yourself to penetrate to the source of everything, you will come to a nothingness or space. The nothing can go so far that there is also an absence of the consciousness of nothing. If there is consciousness of the nothing, there is still somebody there who can investigate, someone to ask, “What’s that?” When you investigate further still, that also disappears, and then there is really nothing. So, nothingness as a space goes so deep that after a while it eliminates the consciousness of itself. 

The common factor in all these forms of realization is that the soul recognizes true nature to be boundless, infinite. She experiences herself in a radically different way; no longer does she know herself as an entity amongst other entities; rather, she is the infinite ocean, beyond all individuals and objects. As such she is not an individual soul; this will generally bring up deep issues and fears, challenging some of the deepest of her ego structures. One initial fear, based on lack of true knowledge, may surface even before she experiences the boundlessness of her nature. This issue appears as the fear and concern of losing whatever is associated with being a separate individual entity. She fears losing her separateness, which reveals the deeper fear of losing her individuality, her autonomy, her personal quality. But one of the most alarming expectations here is the fear of losing her individual experience. She believes that if she is not a separate entity, an individual, she won’t be around to experience anything, especially the wonderful beauty and majesty of her true nature, and Reality. She fears that if she is not an individual entity she won’t have experience. Exploration reveals that the concept of experience has been unconsciously fused with that of being an individual entity, that the soul believes she has to be an individual self for her to have experience at all. The realization of boundlessness reveals the delusional character of this conviction, as it sweetly melts away the ego boundaries that give her the sense of entitiness. 

The second process that the soul goes through in relation to all the boundless dimensions is their personalization. The central element of this process is the transformation of the soul from a separate entity into personal essence on the particular boundless dimension. The soul learns that she is a personal manifestation of the particular dimension of true nature, as a form that expresses it while being inseparable from it. To use a familiar metaphor, in the self-realization of the boundless dimension the soul realizes that her identity is the boundless ocean. She is the ocean of Being. In the personalization process she learns she is a particular and unique wave in this ocean. She regains her form as an individual soul, but not her separateness. She is an extension of the ocean, part and parcel of it, expressing it personally, giving it the possibility to walk, talk, and function as a person. 

We each require different lengths of time to dissolve the habit of assumption and the belief in concepts. Some concepts are easier to abandon than others. But the fundamental idea we have to see through is the concept of being a separate entity. Once that goes, everything else becomes easier. You realize little by little that you don’t experience yourself as a separate person. Although you behave as a person and you do things as a person, you don’t feel that way. The transition from pure consciousness to the absolute truth is a spontaneous process. You just let yourself be. Then the darkness encroaches upon you little by little and you get eaten up. That’s probably why people have so many fears about being eaten up and swallowed whole. Ultimately, we will be consumed. From this perspective, the many things that people say about giving, loving, serving, and sacrificing mean seeing through the entity and all of its attachments. What you surrender is your mind. Being a giving person means not holding on to an entity. Surrender means losing the belief that you are an entity. Service means that being an entity is not the end. All of these are conceptual ways to approach the reality. But, in a sense, the reality cannot be approached, because the moment you approach it, you are already dealing in concepts. You are already taking yourself to be something approaching something else. Reality doesn’t really work that way. The reality infiltrates you, your mind, your soul. The reality acts on you from within and without, like a corrosive acid that eats more and more, dissolving you gradually and completely. You have many kinds of experiences and realizations as the reality feasts on you inside and out. You think you are gaining something, but you are actually being thoroughly consumed. You wake up one day not knowing what’s happened. You thought you were going to be happy and realized, but now you see that you’re gone. The ordinary mind cannot fathom the reality, cannot know what to do and how to get there. The mind that is a prisoner of concepts will never know the night. 

Since the logos is the harmonious flow of all phenomena, a flow that embodies an optimizing and loving intelligence, it is the source of wisdom regarding many of these phenomena that are of particular interest to human beings. Being the harmonious flow of interrelating phenomena, the logos contains the wisdom of their optimization. It can show us the truth and reality, and the possible optimizing direction, of such things as human relationships in their various forms, such as love relationships, marriages and divorces, friendships and work associations. It can reveal to us the wisdom regarding destiny, connection, union, even the various degrees of union with God. It can also reveal to us the wisdom of how to grow, develop, mature, evolve, and so on, and how to unfold knowledge and deepen heart. Because it is the harmonious order of all phenomena, it can guide us toward optimization of all concerns of human life, and of life in general. It can also provide us with a more complete understanding of the self, and support our realization that there is no self-existing and abiding entity called self, for everything is continually created new. 

What are the major manifestations of the self patterned by the self-representation? What are the main psychological patterns, the primary structures? We can look at this question from the perspective of our lived experience as well as from the perspective of developmental psychology. In normal personal experience the ego-self is what we experience as ourselves. We experience the self as an entity among other entities. We do not experience ourselves as part of something else, but as an entity in our own right. We experience our existence as our own, fundamentally separate and autonomous from other entities or phenomena. It is possible for us to experience ourselves not as an entity, but this is unusual. There are basically three situations in which this is possible. The first is in early infancy before the development of a separate sense of self. Most developmental theories hold that the neonate is not aware of itself as a separate self, that at the beginning experience is not referred to a self differentiated from the rest of the perceptual field. The second situation is severe psychopathology in which the normal sense of self did not develop or developed inadequately. In some unusual circumstances this condition can arise transiently in the normal self. The third situation is the state of self-realization, when we experience presence as boundless. In this case, the experience of the self is the oneness of the universe, or awareness of the soul as part of the fabric of this oneness. In general, however, normal experience definitely includes a sense of being an entity. In fact, “entitihood” constitutes the barest minimum of the sense of self for a human being.